Impossible List

In the spirit of leveling up (nerd fitness) or breaking through the mentality that nothing is Impossible (Impossible HQ), here's my Impossible list.

IMPOSSIBLE LIST

Fitness

Escape from Alcatraz

Tough Mudder

Get a 6 pack
Disney Marathon

Urbandare

Warrior Dash

New Friends to Meet

Meet Improv everywhere creator

Meet Dave Ramsey

Meet vince D’nofrio and Kathryn erbe

Meet Jason Mraz

Meet Jesse Cook

Meet David Lanz

Meet Taylor Mali

Meet Mahweh Mike

Meet Scott Aukerman/Paul F. Tomkins

Meet Joel Runyon

Meet Steve Kamb

Meet Maestro of Silicon Valley or SFO

Travel

Travel to Africa

Tribal dance

Go to Carnaval

Go to Mardi Gras

Go on a Cruise

Go to Hawaii

Visit every Disney park

            Disneyland 5/4/12

Visit Atlantic city

Visit Every universal Studios Park

Oktoberfest in Germany

Scuba dive in Hawaii/coral reef

Spend a week in Thailand

Visit New York and see a Broadway play

Enabling Goals

Become debt free

Learn to swing dance

Learn ASL

Get published in Maxim

A month with no net

Ride my bike to work for a week

Learn to juggle

Eat vegetarian for a month

Learn to cook

Learn to change my own oil

Be recognized as an expert in a field of expertise

Be a guest speaker

Adventures to Have

Go to festival of colors in spring/India or locally

Cross Country road trip

Visit the Ferrara pan factory

Go to the candy convention

Ride Sidecar on a motorcycle

Eat at the Blue Bayou

Be part of a flash mob/Improv Everywhere

Brew my own beer

Be on tv

Be on the radio
Be an extra

Go backstage at Disney

Visit Walt’s apartment

Disney University

Go crabbing

See John Williams perform
Sit in on a Podcast taping
 

Skydive (again)

Parasail

Attend a tea ceremony

Zip line

Go camping

Hike in Yosemite

Throw a kickass party      4/27/12

Beer fest in PDX

Beerfest in SF

Play cymbals in an orchestra

Be a best man

See Big Bad voodoo daddy

Plan an event ala “the game” or improv everywhere.

Attend a Doug Loves movies taping  4/19/12

Attend a show at the UCB theater

Go paintballing

Go karts

Stunt school/academy/camp

Life Goals

Improve the life of one person

Become a mentor

Cut a large check to 4 charities/Kiva

Help someone achieve their goal

Magic

Perform at Magic Castle

Magic Live

Meet Chris Kenner

Meet Eric Jones

Get published in Magic/Genii

Meet Copperfield

Meet Mac King

Perform onstage in Vegas

Take tour of Copperfield’s museum

Get booked for 4 shows a month

Mcdonalds is a Fine Establishment...

My sense of self importance (some may argue it's misguided) started around the age of 16.  I had been working at Mcdonalds for two and a half years.  It was my last day...you know what... let me back up.

My first year at Mcdonalds, I had to don a very heavy suit of one of the Mcdonalds characters (Birdie) and wave to traffic.  For an entire summer. While I weighed 280 pounds.  I was hired at minimum wage along with two other people in the kitchen.

After my summer stint as a character I was the host for people who would have their parties at Mcdonalds (comes with cake).  I did magic so I guess that made me the most qualified? 

Shortly after that, the two people hired in the kitchen were promoted before me.  After working my ass off for two years I was given a raise of 25 cents.  Yeah...thanks but no thanks.  I was given a new title as well.  Who's the big winner?

I quickly resigned.  Well, not resigned, gave my notice.  On my last day it was dead in the store (I refuse to call it a restaurant).  I waited til midway through my shift and went to the shake machine.  At Mcd's the shake machine has two chambers to it.  The mystery goo goes into the top and on one side it becomes soft serve, and the other side it becomes a shake.  It is "food" in the same way play dough is food.  Not toxic, but that's about it.

It was my last day at work, and I had nothing to lose.  I turned off the blades, climbed on top of this machine, took off my shoes and socks and dunked my feet into the shake machine.  A customer came in and "told on me" and management sent me home and said I was no longer welcome at the fine establishment that IS Mcdonalds. Six months later that location went out of business.  Who's the big winner?


and THAT'S why I drink...

He would have been a terrible priest

I got someone kicked out of a seminary.  I'll wait a second and let that sink in. People say I'm a terrible person. Let me give you some context...  I was kind of friends with this dude who felt a calling to become a priest, so he went through some interviews and went to priest school (the seminary).

We had worked together in a youth group where he did not practice what he preached.  Or maybe he thought he was, sort of in the same way each of us all think we're legit when outside of us, well maybe not so much.  In any event...

He was a gossip monger, liar, and went out of his way to screw people over.  How he got into the seminary I'll never know.  Over time he began to get too big for his britches and thought he was too cool for school and no one called him on it.

After having seen enough and because I'll stand up for what I believe in, I told him I was going to take him to task. My only vested interest was this tool's actions resulted in me leaving a particular church and his actions broke up some friendships of mine.  So I reported his actions to the king of the priests in training (PIT) who after some chit chat with tool face proceeded to kick him out of the seminary.  While initially on paper it sounds terrible, I feel satisfied serving justice on behalf of some other people.  I'll bring a PIT down...

and THAT'S why I drink...

Girlfriend/Lesbian #1

My relationship history makes sense on why I've been single for so long. Instead of just rattling off the list I figure I would write about the who's who of the dating VIP. Chronologically I have to start with number one.

My first girlfriend was in high school. She was awesome, we met while on a trip to an amusement park and it was nine kinds of awesome. We became serious and dated...after about six months we hit our tipping point and I found out she had been cheating on me with my best friend at the time. Yeah...real class act (both of them).

They broke up a few months later, and then she told me she was a lesbian. Because TECHNICALLY she had dated my best friend last, my theory is that it was him...but she was not the last girl who became a lesbian....

And THAT'S why I drink...

Book haters...

Maybe I should title this something a little different as it sounds like I am coming down on people who don't like to read. That IS true, but not the point of this post. I have written manuscripts for two books. One was magic and the other was a synopsys of the stuff I've done and some random thoughts ala George Carlin style of writing.

If you don't know, I'm a magician located in San Jose, California. When I was about 16 years old I wrote a manuscript of sorts featuring magic tricks I had created, which I wanted to share with the magic community. I brought this manuscript to a local magic dealer (someone who sells magic tricks to magicians) who said it wasn't polished enough. I was 16, and I trusted his opinion, bummed but over it pretty quick, I took my tricks and went home. I found out later he had copied my manuscript and published and manufactured some of the tricks under his name. He was a relatively well known name in the magic community so I couldn't do much (his word versus mine) and the poor man's copyright is a joke. Later he filed for bankruptcy but that was the beginning of my winning charm and angst.

A few years later I had written a sample manuscript of my life thus far and was in talks with a local comic book publisher. We had a deal, and after extending my deadline (each extension cutting into my advance...what can I say, I'm lazy). I had a few bucks left from the advance, and we were good to go. Well the deal was you had to buy this expensive book to get mine as an add on, with no advertising at all. They blamed the lack of interest on me, and then there was a management change. As there was some bad blood between the old regime and the new regime all old projects and deals were dissolved. I was given the opportunity to buy my copies out from them by buying these expensive books, but I was once again bummed by the back end dealings of book publishing.

That is why I have decided to write this blog. I agree to write at least once a week and release chapters of the manuscript, updated and better edited stories, and my shenanigans up to date.

and THAT is why I drink...

A sneak peak...I've dated 2 lesbians, a former ex became a hooker, I've been banned from Mcdonalds, a candy store and Walgreens, I broke into my office drunk, and in college some friends made me think I had AIDS. Yeah...stay tuned.